July 27,2014(ISN) – Dear Jason. Your comments about Canadians not “wanting it as much” as Americans or Europeans when it comes to basketball were ridiculous and ignorant. However, they were not offensive. I think I can speak for most Canadians by saying that few of us had ever heard of Jason Whitlock prior to Tuesday, but now an entire nation knows what a knob you are, instead of just a few hundred thousand U.S. sports fans.
Now Jason, I know you attempted to paraphrase the sentiments of some NBA people by making those sweeping comments about Canadians, but you never mentioned any of them by name, so I can only assume that you’re making this stuff up. Just because some NBA assistant GM questioned 18 year old Andrew Wiggins’ desire and Anthony Bennett’s conditioning, you felt it was necessary to lump us all together and tell the ESPN audience that our entire country is too laid back. You know what, maybe the problem is that you Americans take yourselves too seriously and work too hard. Maybe that’s why so many of the great comedy minds come from Canada. We know how to relax and have fun. You should try it sometimes. Take a break from playing the part of professional contrarian and amateur sociologist and try writing or saying something that isn’t a putdown of a person, business, institution or country. To say that all Canadians lack the desire that Americans have is ludicrous and it insults my intelligence. Take it back.
Jason, I don’t expect you to respond to this letter. I’m sure you have other things to do, like try to get the Cavs to trade Wiggins and Bennett in a deal for Kevin Love. Maybe you want to piss off large groups of people by bashing black culture or individuals such as Serena Williams (she’s too fat and out of shape) and Jeremy Lin (he has a small penis) and Robert Griffin III (He wants to be a Kardashian). Mind you, it’s better than saying, for example, that all Canadian men have small penises. Then you’d have to deal with an angry mob. Look, we Canadians are a forgiving bunch. We understand that we can be the butt of U.S. jokesters. “Blame Canada” was hilarious on South Park, and even the great Anne Murray said she wasn’t offended when she was referred to as a “bitch” in the song. She wasn’t offended because she considered it to be humourous. Jason, that’s a skill you do not possess. You didn’t lump all Canadians together with a tongue-in-cheek comment, you actually meant it.
And just to show you that we’re not offended by your comments, we’d like to welcome you to our fair country. Any border you’d like to cross, we’ll have Canada Customs and Immigration meet you personally and show you how laid back we really are. Strip searches are optional for most visitors, but in your case we’ll make it mandatory. In fact, if you let us know ahead of time, we’ll make sure that Steve Nash, two time NBA MVP and future Hall of Famer is there to meet you. In case you didn’t know it, Nash is Canadian. Oh, I know when you looked him up on the internet it said “Born in South Africa”, but he was raised in Canada and possesses Canadian sensibilities and a wicked sense of humour. So, you might want to retract those comments about Canadians “not wanting it as bad”. Seriously.
In closing, I’d like to reiterate that we are not offended by your comments. We feel sorry for you. You need to take a moment before you open your yap and disparage an entire country. You need to understand that you can’t take a type of people and paint them all with the same brush. There are intense Canadians and there are laid-back Americans. All blacks are not from the ghetto. All whites are not trailer-trash. All sportswriters are not ink-stained wretches. And all Canadians cannot be compared to Andrew Wiggins. He’s going to be wealthy, successful and popular. The rest of us will be happy with a 2-4 of beer, a hockey game on TV, Rush on the stereo and never having to hear the name Jason Whitlock ever again.
Warmest regards, and God Bless Canada.