July 28,2014(ISN) – As far as I’m concerned, you can take your tweets and shove them up your Twitter hole. And while you’re at it, you can sit on my Facebook, one keyboard click or lick at a time. I pray for the day when all of your carelessly crafted characters breathlessly misspelling where you stopped for coffee, back up and gigabyte you in the ass.
If I had the technological wherewithal, I would travel to some Samsung galaxy far far away where I’d hack out the hearts of your hand-held devices just long enough for you to see the miserable screen sucking creatures you have become.
I’m talking to you, specifically, the dude that took his dad to a Father’s Day lunch in our local pub and immediately spent the first few minutes frantically searching the wall for a socket to recharge his phone. As my wife will attest, he then proceeded to check his phone every five minutes, even after their food had arrived, his dad simply staring off into cyber space, having abandoned any hope of conversation, other than the words they exchanged with their waitress.
I’m also talking to you, the family of four and a half that shared the table next to me in Nando’s, only looking up from their phones long enough to pass around the baby, who was crying with an obvious early onset of I Phone envy.
I’m old enough to remember when people actually chatted, when phone companies ran ads on TV trumpeting long distance calls, “the next best thing to being there,” a time when the only thing you used your thumbs for was hitchhiking. We are rapidly devolving into a species of thumb-twitching texters and tweeters that can’t carry on a conversation for five minutes with the person they’re having dinner with without checking their hand-held devices.
We are living in an age where children sleep with their Smart Phones, where university graduates can’t string a couple of paragraphs together that actually embrace the rules of grammar, punctuation and spelling, an era where it’s more convenient to type than talk to the person next to you. And please, don’t get me started on penman, err, penpersonship?, and the lost art of writing a letter.
And so, I’m asking you to join me in embracing a day to be determined in September that will be declared technology-free Wednesday. It will have to be a Wednesday because there’s no NFL games scheduled on that day, and you still have all day Tuesday to e-mail your buddies to recap the Mondaynight game. Plus, there’s no urgent need to change your Yahoo Pro Football picks on Wednesday, as long as you remember to make your computer selections on Tuesday for the Packers/Seahawks game on Thursday night. That will still enable last minute changes on Thursday, providing you have access to the Internet, because 15 minutes before kickoff your Facebook buddy in Green Bay may send an urgent tweet to tell you Aaron Rodgers is doubtful after being involved in a fender bender on the way to the stadium. Yeah, I think technology-free Wednesday in September will work just fine, at least until hockey season starts for real in October.
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