Comedian Argus Hamilton has been keeping a close eye on the Cleveland Browns’ training camp. One day last week, Hamilton filed this report: “Yesterday afternoon, Johnny Manziel got blitzed, but then he got up, left the strip club and came straight to practice.” . . . There is a move afoot in Ohio to have LeBron James license plates produced for the general public.
“They’d be made,” notes contributor Bill Littlejohn, “by incarcerated Cincinnati Bengals.” . . .
“I have said since the day the votes were counted that putting Tony LaRussa in the Hall of Fame is a travesty,” writes Jack Finarelli, aka The Sports Curmudgeon. “His plaque should have the likeness of Sgt. Schultz on it.” . . . You are a real fan of the Montreal Canadiens if you knew that P.K. Subban’s initials stand for Pernell Karl. . . . “According to a University of California study, 65 per cent of NBA players pass gas on court,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “Except Kobe Bryant, who never passes anything.” . . . Here’s Currie, again: “Happy 37th Birthday Tom Brady — NFL quarterback, winner of three Super Bowls and married to a supermodel who earns $47 million a year. Good luck finding him a gift.” . . .
Peter Robinson, who tweets at @PRGolfWriter and knows a thing or two about golf, summed up the state of the PGA Tour in a four-word tweet: “Tiger Was, Rory Is.” . . . A Wednesday tweet from columnist Cam Cole of the Vancouver Sun, who is in Louisville, Ky., for the PGA Championship: “In PGA merchandise tent today: Tiger’s scripted Nike outfits next to Rory’s. Rory’s Sunday shirts are sold out. Plenty of Tiger’s left.” . . . If you’re a southpaw, you will be aware that Wednesday is International Lefthanders Day. What’s it all about? Well, here is part of the entry from Wikipedia: “Thousands of left-handed people are discriminated (against) in today’s society, are forced to use right-handed tools, drive on the right side of the road and even get harassed. International Lefthanders Day is made to end this discrimination.” . . .
Ron Judd, writing in the Seattle Times: “Attention, Local TV Weather People: Basking in the faux glory of the long run of insufferably hot, dry, miserable weather makes a lot of us locals like you much less.” . . . In recent days, I have spent time in Kelowna — no, we won’t mention the traffic — and Bellingham, Wash. I now am trying to figure out if I saw more Alberta plates in Kelowna than B.C. plates in Bellingham. . . . The San Francisco 49ers will play NFL games in the new Levi’s Stadium starting with this season. Standing room tickets will set you back $75 or $50. Why the difference? “For $75,” reports Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, “you get to stand on both feet.” . . . Here’s Ostler, after ESPN The Magazine published its Body Issue: “If players pose stark naked for a national magazine, how come after a game I have to wait 15 minutes for them to get fully dressed before I can ask them questions?” . . .
Bob Irving, the long-time radio voice of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, asked head coach Mike O’Shea what he thinks when he wakes up and looks at the CFL standings. “I don’t look at standings,” O’Shea responded. “I look at my wife.” . . . Safe answer, Mike. . . . The Center for Science in the Public Interest held a contest to determine the “most unhealthy food in America.” Three of the top (or bottom) nine came from the Cheesecake Factory. Farfelle with Chicken and Roasted Garlic came in at 2,410 calories, and that was without the cheesecake. . . .
Don’t think for one second that there is anything that happens in a Major League Baseball game that isn’t charted. For example, right-hander Brandon McCarthy threw seven innings for the host New York Yankees against the Detroit Tigers on Monday night. During that game, according to Katie Sharp, who writes for It’s About The Money, Stupid, “the Tigers hit 38 foul balls off McCarthy, the most fouls against any pitcher in a single game this season.” . . . In that same game, McCarthy got 17 outs — eight strike outs, eight ground balls and one lineout to third base. . . . “Police were able to apprehend a six-year-old boy (with autism) who managed to drive his toy ATV onto the Bronx River Parkway in New York,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “The boy was not injured. And no doubt he probably wasn’t close to being the worst driver on the highway.” . . .
There are rumbles out there that Canada may want to get in on the bidding to play host to soccer’s 2016 World Cup. At the moment, Canada’s men’s team is ranked 115th in the universe. “This,” suggests Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen, “would be like Utah hosting the World Beer Games.” . . . Here’s Dwight Perry, in the Seattle Times: “Starring in California’s best slow-speed police chase since O.J.: a 150-pound fleeing tortoise, clocked at speeds of up to 1 mph. Apparently, the Alhambra cops nabbed him at a shell station.”
(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)