After news got out that Columbus Blue Jackets defenceman Jack Johnson had filed for bankruptcy, Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen quipped: “I can’t believe the Florida Panthers outlasted him.” . . . “Cavs star LeBron James turned the ball over on the game’s final possession Wednesday night in a two-point loss to the Spurs,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times.
“During a one-hour postgame interview on ESPN, he blamed it on the indecision.” . . .
After the NFL fined Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch $100,000 for not speaking with the media, Perry reported: “To the surprise of absolutely no one, Lynch had no comment.” . . . If you’re like me, you’re wondering how much the Toronto Maple Leafs are going to pay Mike Babcock to be their head coach next season. Will he salute the fans when he signs with the Leafs? . . .
Should we be surprised that Mike Benevides didn’t work out as the head coach of the CFL’s B.C. Lions? After all, it has to be awfully hard to replace a legend and yet still have that legend looking over your shoulder. . . . There will be a big push in the Big Smoke to have Dave Dickenson, right now the Calgary Stampeders’ offensive co-ordinator, come in as the Lions’ next head coach. But ask yourself this: Is that the place for a man with nothing in the way of head-coaching experience? . . . I think it’s more likely that Wally Buono, the legend himself, is the Lions’ next head coach. . . . Or the Lions can do what NHL teams do, which is reach into TSN crew of analysts and find a new head coach. . . .
You likely are aware that the Miami Marlins have signed slugger Giancarlo Stanton to a 13-year contract worth US$325 million. But are you aware that he will be paid $68,449 for each day of that contract? . . . How much will you make today? . . . Hey, just asking! . . . Jay Jaffe of si.com points out: “The $325 million amount is a staggering sum of money, about $15 million shy of the combined amount of the Marlins’ last six Opening Day payrolls, or more than double the team’s $155 million contribution to build Marlins Park, which opened in 2012.” . . .
“In Minneapolis, Minnesota, a drunk college student dressed as a zombie Santa broke into a house, vomited and passed out,” reports Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “I’d like to see the Hallmark Channel make a Christmas movie about this.” . . . Dickson, again: “If the moon landing took place today, it’d be shown on tape delay after an episode of So You Think You Can Dance.” . . . After the NFL moved Sunday’s game between the New York Jets and the Bills from Buffalo to Monday in Detroit, Dickson pointed out: “This is the first time anyone’s ever gone to Detroit to be safe.” . . .
“Gene Keady, former Purdue men’s basketball coach, confessed that for years he paid a hairdresser $600 per week to dye his hair, add extensions and whip the whole mess into a comb-over,” notes Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle. “That’s like Quasimodo getting silicone injections to plump his hump.” . . . Buffalo Bills cornerback Leodis McKelvin guaranteed a victory prior to last week’s game against the Miami Dolphins. Of course, the Dolphins won, 22-9, and McKelvin came out of it with a broken ankle. Greg Cote of the Miami Herald then wrote: “ ‘I work fast,’ Karma said. ‘You’re welcome.’ ” . . .
“Tiger Woods,” reports Janice Hough, aka the Left Coast Sports Babe, “is lashing out at a parody interview titled ‘My (Fake) Interview with Tiger’ in Golf Digest, saying the piece was ‘below the belt.’ Two things: Tiger should know about ‘below the belt,’ and is Golf Digest giving him a cut of the extra magazine sales?” . . . Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg pointed out: “Normally the only people allowed below Tiger’s belt are Waffle House waitresses.” . . . One more from Hough, after Thursday night’s NFL game: “Derek Carr praising Jesus and God after the Oakland Raiders’ win . . . and God is thinking ‘Ah, you’re now 1 and 10. Don’t blame anything about this season on me.’ ” . . .
Headline at Fark.com: RGIII’s final throw of the day involved his teammates and a bus. . . . “Romanian basketball prospect Robert Bobroczky is just 13 years old but already stands 7 feet 4,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “When he sticks his tongue out he looks like a zipper.” . . . One more from Currie: “Floyd Mayweather’s dad says his son will fight Manny Pacquiao sooner or later. Did anyone else just think of Angelo Mosca swinging his cane at Joe Kapp?”
(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)